Years ago I remember the big fright was getting kidnapped and waking up without a kidney. The kidnappers had put you to sleep and taken your organ to sell on the black market. Thankfully, I am here to tell you this never happened to me.

What did happen to me is someone took my fallopian tubes. Both of them. This means I can no longer get pregnant. Allow me to do a happy dance.

Okay, I’m done. And I probably shouldn’t dance because weird things happen and you never know, 10 years from now I could be writing a blog about how I have a 14 and 12 year old, no fallopian tubes, and yet I’m pregnant with my third child. Everyone would rave about how it’s a medical miracle. Except I wouldn’t. Why? Because I don’t want to be pregnant ever, ever again. Which is why I willingly let someone take my fallopian tubes.

I often see blogs and articles and hear comments about how we need to be careful of what we say regarding pregnancies and motherhood and babies because there are lots of women out there who would give their left arm to have a baby. I hurt for them. I can not imagine wanting a little human being so bad and being willing to do anything to have one and yet not being able to conceive, or losing the baby before birth.

But I want to bring light to another subject-those of us who so desperately desire to never have another baby again. Just about every time I told someone why I was going to have my tubes “tied” (or removed in my case), I got a funny look. It wasn’t because I didn’t want more kids. It wasn’t because feeling sick 24/7 sucks or that the actual pain of child birth was too great to bear. It wasn’t because another child would bring financial strain.

It’s because I lived in a black fog during my pregnancy. Depression descended on me during my first trimester and weighed me down like a 500 pound curtain every second of every day for 18 weeks. Thankfully it lasted only my first trimester, but it was bad enough that I never want to go through it again. Considering that I went through it for both of my pregnancies, I think it’s safe to say that it would happen again with another pregnancy. As much as I love my kids and I’m sure I’d love any more that I had, I have no desire to go through that depression again for another child.

And that brings me to my second reason for doing a happy dance over my fallopian tube removal-I have no desire to raise another baby. This gets really funny looks from other people. Apparently I don’t fit the mold when it comes to women and babies. I would rather adopt 3 more toddlers than care for and nurture another infant. Not my cup of tea, which is apparently weird in the world of females. But alas, that is me. I will gladly hold and coo at your infant because 1) I know how much you, as the mom of a baby, want a break and 2) I get to give your baby back.

I don’t write all this to make light of those women who are not able to have a baby. I don’t write this because I don’t love my kids with so much of my heart that it sometimes hurts.  I write this because every since my second child was born over 2 years ago, I have freaked out every month, scared to death that I’m pregnant, and then I get that sign that I’m not, but a few days later it starts all over again. I know I’m not the only woman who has ever felt this desperate to NEVER have another baby, thanks to a couple of other blogs I’ve read out there. Perhaps my words will help validate the same feelings some other woman is having but is too embarrassed or even ashamed to voice because she’s a woman, she’s supposed to love babies, right? Her uterus is supposed to leap when she hears a baby cry, right? After all, it’s God’s design, right?

I’ve had my babies. I’ve put in my time and I’m done. I am fallopian free and loving it (actually I’m still healing from my incisions so am supposed to be taking it easy, but I’m saving up my energy for a nice, long happy dance)!

 

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