I lied. Okay, not a lie, but more of a ‘my hormones have changed my mind’. My last blog was about how I was embracing my ever growing belly with a new found appreciation of how awesome it is to grow a mini-person inside of me. Tonight, I’m not feeling the love so much.

What changed? Well, hormones for one thing. For another, I looked at before and after pictures of people who have gone through a specific eating diet that my husband is planning on doing, along with a specific workout regime, and I thought to myself “I want to look like that!” Heck, I’d even like to look like these women did in their before pictures; forget the after shots. But alas, I can’t. And that is where the conundrum lies. I am tired of being tired and want life to be like when I could workout whenever and however I wanted, but I can not. Or maybe I could, but how the heck do I change when I’m 3 days away from being 7 months pregnant? The intricacies of working out and changing my diet while pregnant boggle my mind.

How? Well, lets start with my diet. Something healthy like oatmeal for breakfast, which normally I would love, leaves me straight-jacketfeeling like I’m starving myself. It does nothing to rev my engines after fasting all night, which by the way, is full of tossing and turning, lying wide awake, and me twitching and jerking as my legs itch and itch and itch to the point that I’m sure I look like a mental patient. Cereal is a tease that may get me going for about, oh, 30 minutes, but I quickly putter out thereafter. Eggs are somewhere in between cereal and oatmeal. They at least fill my stomach to some degree so I’m not acting like I’ve been on the show ‘Survivor’, living off of bugs and rice, yet they don’t really seem to offer me much energy.

So, what kind of breakfast do I dive into every morning, relishing the deliciousness and ‘full in my stomach’ feeling day after day after day? Pancakes and sausage (skip the butter, add the syrup). It. Is. Good. Not just good, but Pancake_Platterwonderful. It is with this kind of breakfast that I feel I can actually face the day instead of having to lay on the floor ready for a nap after being awake less than 2 hours. Healthy? Not so much. But it is the only sustenance my body seems to do well with at this point. And lest you get the crazy notion to offer me anything else, allow me to fill you in on the price I will pay by playing the game of breakfast trial and error-having to stop and lean on the changing table, out of breathcatching my breath while putting a new diaper on my toddler and then sitting down afterwards to recover…..seriously, I have had to do that before; or, stopping every block or so to lean on the stroller while out strolling with the kid and dog (and I do mean strolling, no speed walking here); or feeling like I have just run a marathon and my legs weigh 100 lbs each while walking into church at 8:45am (meaning I have only been awake for less than 2 hours and should still be able to hold myself up straight).

As far as workouts, well when is that supposed to work out? Even with a breakfast of pancakes and sausage, mornings are still my worse time of day. My body just seems to take forever to get going. If you suggest getting up half an hour earlier, I may just punch you. Sleep is precious to any mom, much less a pregnant one. No, working out will not give me more energy. I tried that earlier in my pregnancy and all it did was make me more tired. By the time I do feel like perhaps eeking in a bit of exercise, I’m full blown in the midst of taking care of a very active toddler, the Florida sun is beating down on the earth like a blow torch, lunch or dinner needs to be prepared and/or served, laundry is spilling out of the basket, and/or I’m about to go crazy being stuck in the house with a toddler much longer. Take care of all that and by the time the family and house are all caught up and up to date, then I’m exhausted and ready for a break from moving about.

I remember what it was like to do a tough workout. I enjoyed it. I enjoyed the challenge, I enjoyed the sweat, I enjoyed the feeling of not thinking I could do anymore and the results I got from those workouts (don’t worry, I wasn’t some workout freak. I had plenty of “I don’t want to workout” days and plenty of “I’m not going to workout” days too). And now I miss that time. Heck, I remember what it was like during my first pregnancy and how I continued to work, taking care of horses and the farm property, almost full-time and I ask myself incredulously “how in the world did you have the energy to do that????”

So, I cried when I saw those before and after pictures. I also cried when I recently saw pictures of me from behind. To all those people who have told me I am all baby, God bless you. We both know it’s a lie, but I finally got to see what you really do see and all I can say is thank-you for lying to me (actually lying is a sin, so I probably shouldn’t thank you).

meowingSo now my mom roar has turned into a quiet meow. Not standing on the mountain top beating my chest this time. But you know what? That’s ok, because while my hormones are all over the place and keep me reaching for the tissue box every couple of days (or every few hours, depending on the day), I still know who I am in Christ. He has not changed, nor has His opinion of me. Some days I will feel like I can do it all and I am super mom and others, like today, I will have to reach waaaaaay down deep inside of me to remind myself that at the end of the day, Jesus is telling me “Well done, good and faithful servant. I have entrusted you with this child, MY child, and you are caring for him so wonderfully.” (Matthew 25:21, put into my own words).

Which reminds me….I’m out of pancakes for tomorrow morningbible verse