No such thing as a quickie

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I just had to opportunity to get out of the house, by myself. Husband was home resting, daughter was home sleeping, and while I was exhausted and freedom wanting nothing more to do than sleep, I grabbed my purse and ran. All I did was drive to Office Depot to ship out a box, but as I drove away from our house I thought to myself, “freedom!!!!!!!!!!!!”. Let me tell you, it was glorious. Absolutely, positively, tremendously, glorious. The trip itself took less than 15 minutes, but it was exhilarating, freeing and gave me a little pep in my ‘I haven’t gotten a good night’s rest in over 7 months’ step.

While I was in Office Depot, I saw a woman enter with a little girl (could have been her mom, maybe grandma), about 6 years old. I didn’t pay them much attention and went back to browsing the tablets and lap top computers, comparing prices and reading descriptions, having no idea what any of it meant, but trying to draw out my little trip as long as I could. Waiting for a receipt to print out has never been so wonderful.

On the way out to my car (as all good things must come to an end), I saw the woman and girl again. They were walking out to their car and the girl twirlingstopped at a sign post to take a few twirls around and around and around. The woman stopped with her, a little smile on her face and commented on how she (the girl) has so much fun going out on errands with her. And yet……and yet there was also another look on the woman’s face. A look of tiredness. A look of haggardness (are those two real words? I don’t know). I knew that look. I knew it because I have felt that way many times. Many, many, many times.

Going out to run even one errand is no longer a simple, quick trip. No fast in and out and your done. With kids, there are items to make sure you pack before you leave the house, car seat straps to buckle and unbuckle, water and snacks to dole out to keep them quiet, hands to hold in parking lots, instructions to give in stores as they try to grab items off the shelf, bodies to keep an eye on so they don’t run off, and at the very least, extra time to stop and twirl around sign posts.

Kids are good at reminding us to stop and smell the roses, find the joy in life, and I love my girl for that. But it is tiring. To that woman with the little girl at Office Depot, bless you for humoring your girl and allowing her to find the fun in running a simple errand to Office Depot. May I remember to do the same with mine. In the meantime, I’m heading back to my car, alone. No car seat buckles to buckle, no blankies and drinks to dole out, no silly kids songs to play on the CD player. I am FREEEEEE!IMG_3214She may tire me out, but she also melts my heart

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Giving wives a bad name

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I was in Wal-Mart the other day and there were 2 women cashiers (1 of them being mine) standing together complaining about their husbands. My first long linesthought towards the one who was not my cashier was ‘Don’t you have something better to do, like go open up another lane instead of making us wait 20 minutes in line to check out?’ My second thought was ‘Do you two realize how disrespectful and disgraceful you are sounding towards your husbands and thus yourselves?’

The one leading the conversation (who was also the one not working my line, thus distracting my cashier) proudly showed off her bare ring finger on her left hand. Apparently by not wearing her wedding ring she was getting back at her husband for all the wrong he had been doing to her. Also, apparently, after 10 years of marriage she felt she had the right to “disappear” (as she put it) for a few hours and her husband did not have the right to freak out about where she was since she did not tell him. Ummmm, maybe he just cares about you and wants to make sure you’re not dead on the side of the road somewhere. I can only imagine what her reaction would be if he were to do the same thing to her.

Of course my cashier pitched in her two cents here and there. She was getting ready to take her ring off too. She was tired of her husband treating her like she couldn’t do anything for herself even though when she first met her husband (which was while she was married to her first husband and ended up leaving him for this current one), she couldn’t do anything for herself and she had once loved him for being her strength.

And then of course you had the woman checking out in front of me who piped up, “That’s right ladies, you have to stand your ground and tell men just who you are ‘cuz if you don’t, they will just run all over you”. Can I just say……shut-up you 3 idiots!!!

One, complaining about your husband to other people does not accomplish anything. All it does is get you or keep you in a frame of mind of, well, complaining, and discontentment. From there, all you’re every going to see is the negative and all you’ll ever remember is the negative.

Two, complaining about your husband makes you sound like a discontented jerk. The only people who will have compassion for you is other discontented jerks. Misery does love company.

wife yellingThree, if you’re complaining about your husband to other people, you’re probably doing it to his face, which I’m guessing doesn’t go over so well. He may not be an angel, but you’re not exactly setting him up for husband of the year by disrespecting him all the time.

Four, I bet you didn’t complain about your husband in the first part of your marriage. He probably wasn’t an angel then (though just marriedyou probably weren’t either), yet you both chose to love each other, respect each other, give each other the benefit of the doubt. What would happen if you chose to treat him that way again? No, he wasn’t an angel then, nor is he now, but from where I’m standing in the check out line, neither are you. I bet if you were to go home and thank him for one thing, just one thing, his demeanor would change, at least for a second. And if you thanked him for two things, well now we have a show stopper here. What would happen if you made his favorite dinner? I just bet he might even do something nice for you.

Three Happy Polar Bears with Santa's and Captain's hat

You see, the whole “I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine” can either be done with a positive spin, or a negative one. And yet there’s more to a marriage than that saying says. Sometimes someone needs to break the cycle of negativity and say “I’ll scratch your back even though you haven’t scratched mine in a long time.”

As for all the husbands out there, please know not all wives are like this. What goes on between my husband and me is between my husband and me. Not all of us wives get together with our girlfriends and try to outdo each other with husband horror stories. Not all of us disrespect our husbands with every word that comes out of our mouth, spewing words of hate and strife. There are some of us who genuinely love our husbands and even when we’re giving you the silent treatment for some reason or another, we still choose to respect you for the man you are, our husband. Me adn J on old bridge cute

I am mom, hear me meow

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I lied. Okay, not a lie, but more of a ‘my hormones have changed my mind’. My last blog was about how I was embracing my ever growing belly with a new found appreciation of how awesome it is to grow a mini-person inside of me. Tonight, I’m not feeling the love so much.

What changed? Well, hormones for one thing. For another, I looked at before and after pictures of people who have gone through a specific eating diet that my husband is planning on doing, along with a specific workout regime, and I thought to myself “I want to look like that!” Heck, I’d even like to look like these women did in their before pictures; forget the after shots. But alas, I can’t. And that is where the conundrum lies. I am tired of being tired and want life to be like when I could workout whenever and however I wanted, but I can not. Or maybe I could, but how the heck do I change when I’m 3 days away from being 7 months pregnant? The intricacies of working out and changing my diet while pregnant boggle my mind.

How? Well, lets start with my diet. Something healthy like oatmeal for breakfast, which normally I would love, leaves me straight-jacketfeeling like I’m starving myself. It does nothing to rev my engines after fasting all night, which by the way, is full of tossing and turning, lying wide awake, and me twitching and jerking as my legs itch and itch and itch to the point that I’m sure I look like a mental patient. Cereal is a tease that may get me going for about, oh, 30 minutes, but I quickly putter out thereafter. Eggs are somewhere in between cereal and oatmeal. They at least fill my stomach to some degree so I’m not acting like I’ve been on the show ‘Survivor’, living off of bugs and rice, yet they don’t really seem to offer me much energy.

So, what kind of breakfast do I dive into every morning, relishing the deliciousness and ‘full in my stomach’ feeling day after day after day? Pancakes and sausage (skip the butter, add the syrup). It. Is. Good. Not just good, but Pancake_Platterwonderful. It is with this kind of breakfast that I feel I can actually face the day instead of having to lay on the floor ready for a nap after being awake less than 2 hours. Healthy? Not so much. But it is the only sustenance my body seems to do well with at this point. And lest you get the crazy notion to offer me anything else, allow me to fill you in on the price I will pay by playing the game of breakfast trial and error-having to stop and lean on the changing table, out of breathcatching my breath while putting a new diaper on my toddler and then sitting down afterwards to recover…..seriously, I have had to do that before; or, stopping every block or so to lean on the stroller while out strolling with the kid and dog (and I do mean strolling, no speed walking here); or feeling like I have just run a marathon and my legs weigh 100 lbs each while walking into church at 8:45am (meaning I have only been awake for less than 2 hours and should still be able to hold myself up straight).

As far as workouts, well when is that supposed to work out? Even with a breakfast of pancakes and sausage, mornings are still my worse time of day. My body just seems to take forever to get going. If you suggest getting up half an hour earlier, I may just punch you. Sleep is precious to any mom, much less a pregnant one. No, working out will not give me more energy. I tried that earlier in my pregnancy and all it did was make me more tired. By the time I do feel like perhaps eeking in a bit of exercise, I’m full blown in the midst of taking care of a very active toddler, the Florida sun is beating down on the earth like a blow torch, lunch or dinner needs to be prepared and/or served, laundry is spilling out of the basket, and/or I’m about to go crazy being stuck in the house with a toddler much longer. Take care of all that and by the time the family and house are all caught up and up to date, then I’m exhausted and ready for a break from moving about.

I remember what it was like to do a tough workout. I enjoyed it. I enjoyed the challenge, I enjoyed the sweat, I enjoyed the feeling of not thinking I could do anymore and the results I got from those workouts (don’t worry, I wasn’t some workout freak. I had plenty of “I don’t want to workout” days and plenty of “I’m not going to workout” days too). And now I miss that time. Heck, I remember what it was like during my first pregnancy and how I continued to work, taking care of horses and the farm property, almost full-time and I ask myself incredulously “how in the world did you have the energy to do that????”

So, I cried when I saw those before and after pictures. I also cried when I recently saw pictures of me from behind. To all those people who have told me I am all baby, God bless you. We both know it’s a lie, but I finally got to see what you really do see and all I can say is thank-you for lying to me (actually lying is a sin, so I probably shouldn’t thank you).

meowingSo now my mom roar has turned into a quiet meow. Not standing on the mountain top beating my chest this time. But you know what? That’s ok, because while my hormones are all over the place and keep me reaching for the tissue box every couple of days (or every few hours, depending on the day), I still know who I am in Christ. He has not changed, nor has His opinion of me. Some days I will feel like I can do it all and I am super mom and others, like today, I will have to reach waaaaaay down deep inside of me to remind myself that at the end of the day, Jesus is telling me “Well done, good and faithful servant. I have entrusted you with this child, MY child, and you are caring for him so wonderfully.” (Matthew 25:21, put into my own words).

Which reminds me….I’m out of pancakes for tomorrow morningbible verse