If I see or hear about one more celebrity mom touting her post-baby body and how she not only lost all the pregnancy weight in just 6 weeks, but dropped down to an even lower number on the scale than pre-pregnancy, I may just scream. Or punch a hole in the wall. Probably the latter.

What is up with us women? Why must we not only judge each other, but ourselves, on how we look, how much we weigh, what size clothes we wear? I heard the question “if you’ve got it, should you flaunt it?” asked on a talk show recently and my first question is, “what is ‘it’?” If I’ve got what? And if I’ve got it, why should I maybe feel the need to flaunt it?

I think the terms “self-confidence” and “killer body” are getting mixed up here. Can I be confident in myself if I don’t have a killer body? For us ladies, those 2 concepts are often put together in the same thought. To have one, that means you also have the other. But I beg to differ.

What is self-confidence? “Self” is pretty plain and simple-it means you, yourself. What is confidence? Here’s where the waters get murky. Dictionary.com defines it as “trustworthiness, belief in the reliability of a person or thing, certitude, assurance”. So when you put the two words together it means assurance in yourself. But I think the “self” part goes deeper than that. I think self-confidence comes from within yourself….not from the outside. Or, more commonly, from other people.

True story: I gained 50 lbs during my pregnancy and I’ve lost all but 5. I don’t feel like I’m constantly depriving myself of foods that I want, but I eat a pretty healthy diet overall (which means I watch the types of carbs and fats I’m eating, I get my fruits and veges, but I do enjoy my desserts!). I also live a pretty active lifestyle, including working out. So, while I’m working on those last few pounds, I know I’m healthy. But what would my reaction be if someone were to sneer at me while commenting on the baby weight I’m still carrying? Besides telling them to go suck an egg (my best friend in elementary school, Bethany, and I used to say this phrase to our brothers….we were pretty cool), I’d probably take a moment to feel sorry for myself, but then pick myself up, dust myself off, and keep on doing my thing. If I were to instead run and hide in a cave, I would have allowed that person to just take my self-confidence away. But I argue that if I really had self-confidence to begin with, this person’s comment wouldn’t change the way I felt about myself. If it does, maybe I’m not so much self-confident as others-confident. The first one means my confidence comes from what I think of myself, the second one means my confidence comes from what others think of me.

I’m proud of the body I have because I know it housed, grew and gave birth to the coolest human being every to crawl on this earth and I’ve attained this post-baby body while also taking care of a husband, a baby, a dog, and a house, working a part-time job and having a social life (although I won’t lie, the first 3 months after giving birth I felt chained to the house because miss G enjoyed crying in the evenings. Fun times.) as well as actually sleeping. But in the same respect, just because I’m proud of my body, I don’t feel the need to go around flaunting it. My confidence does not come from other people looking at me and approving of what they see. My confidence will not be shaken if they look at me and disapprove of what they see. You can judge me for not losing all the baby weight in 6 weeks, but my response to you is “go suck an egg.”

What you think of me does not change what I think of myself. I don’t have that “killer body” and you know what? I can still strut around here like I’ve got “it” because  “it” has nothing to do with what you look like, what size you are, or how much you weigh. “It” has nothing to do with what you are, but who you are. And I think I’m pretty darn amazing if I may say so myself.